I restarted my blog with the intentions of turning it into more of an everything space than just the poetry space it used to be. That is not to say that I won’t still be posting poetry, but there will be so much more in addition to that.
I was hoping for my first post to be positive and great, but I’m not sure that will happen at all this week if I continue on the rapidly declining schedule the heavens have me on this week. Whatever I did to deserve this, I take it back. I doubt I have done anything that resulted in this week being this bad, but who knows.
I don’t want to go into major detail, but here are the things that stuck out the most:
I suck at high jumping. I don’t know if I caught a bad high jump flu or if someone else in our conference did some voodoo on me to not do well, but I have been in a high jump slump since season started. I jumped 1.76m at our first meet, and so bad since then. 1.63m. 1.62m. No height. Based on this falling progression, the next best thing to do would be to not even show up to the next meet. On top of not clearing anything at the meet on Sunday, I also didn’t clear anything at practice yesterday. I then had a mental breakdown which resulted in my coach cancelling the rest of practice for me and having me today off as well. I may not believe in myself, but someone believes in me.
My car is a POS. Okay, this one is not true at all. I have a relatively nice vehicle that is just experiencing a hiccup. When we got back from Seattle on Monday, it sounded very strange when I started it. I just thought this was because it had sat on the street for a few days without being turned on or driven. Apparently this wasn’t the case because it didn’t start last night when I wanted to go home. UGH. Hopefully it’s just the battery. I will shell out the $200 if that means I won’t have to worry about this again for a few years.
My boyfriend hates me. Again, not exactly true. But my understanding of relationships is that you at least try to make your SO feel better when they are crying as opposed to them apologizing for crying. When I have something to rant about, at least pretend to take my side. Otherwise, what are you even doing here¿?
My groupmates for one of my class projects are actually stupid. Whenever teachers in grade school would say there are no dumb questions, they were lying. I have to speak like they are five years old in order to get my points across. I can tell by the looks on their faces that they still aren’t understanding either, just pretending to so I will stop talking. I know that this isn’t Harvard, but how did these ladies even get into school? I miss Vee and Julia!! (the best groupmates I have had)
I am so stressed. I don’t actually have a way to justify this as a problem with this past week specifically, but it definitely is not helping me out. I have yet to hear back from the graduate programs I applied for, one of which being my top choice, and not being able to do anything but wait is stressing me out even further. I have been able to connect with someone currently in the program, and she asked me today if I have heard anything back. No, I haven’t. But you’re really making me nervous now, Lorie.
As I am sitting at Toyota in the middle of the day eating this really good and reasonably priced breakfast sandwich while waiting for the mechanics to tell me if my car is dead or if it’s just the battery, I am thinking about how shi@&y of a mood this has put me in. I cannot change these things, but I can change how it makes me feel (note: I said I can, but I probably won’t). The words of wisdom typed over the profound photo at the beginning of this post say it better than I ever can. I have to keep going. I can’t let this bring me down. I have to persevere. *insert more words of motivation that a coach may say* Let’s get going.